Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Enough with the "marmot" jokes.

The problem with squirrels having gotten so popular with the hipster crowd is that now a lot of them have enough money to do coke. And if there's any animal with a less-well-formed take on philosophy than a squirrel, it's a fucking coked-up squirrel. Mikey, Vince, and Carl... hey, guess what? You're NOT post-structuralists... you're idiots. I know you were just trying to impress those three sorority chipmunks at the corner table, but please... throwing around opinions you obviously got from a Wikipedia article? Spare us.

And for your information, dumbshits, having read a little Turgenev and The Gift of Death (and I skimmed the second half, for chrissakes!) does not make me a nihilist -- OR A MARMOT. Your endless Lebowski-references are as tired as beardy middle-aged dudes at the fucking farmer's market quoting Monty Python. No one thinks you're clever.

I left early because I had to piss in the alley twice on account of you jokers constantly monopolizing the bathroom so you could do rails off the toilet tank... but I'm guessing you all went home alone. Am I wrong? I'll bet you a rolled-up twenty that I'm NOT.

Remember what happened to the pigeons after the hipsters moved on? A goddamned pigeon couldn't get laid on death row with a governor's pardon in its beak these days. Your 15 minutes are about three minutes from OVER.


  1. Stupid Otter, what are your thoughts about voles? They're a virtual subculture when it comes to Rodentia and are often maligned because others associate them with their miscreant cousins, mice.

  2. See May 27th entry, which references voles. My personal take on them? Politically, they're a bunch of pinkos. But I'll admit they kick ass at karaoke.