Monday, May 30, 2011

Irrational Obsessions

Probably most of you don't realize the degree to which various wildlife species have fixations on completely insane shit. Not always the same shit, mind you -- it comes and goes in fads, like anything else. Here are just a few of the things I'm fucking sick and tired of hearing animals talk about:

Raccoons: Those free-spinning chrome rims. They pass the catalogs around like Penthouse.

Salamanders: The superiority of Betamax tapes. Seriously, guys?

Crows: If I could get through any interaction with a crow these days without having him quote Heidegger, that would be refreshing.

White-tailed Deer: It is not necessarily impressive that you are vegan. Since when did you guys ever eat meat or dairy, for chrissakes?


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