Probably most of you don't realize the degree to which various wildlife species have fixations on completely insane shit. Not always the same shit, mind you -- it comes and goes in fads, like anything else. Here are just a few of the things I'm fucking sick and tired of hearing animals talk about:
Raccoons: Those free-spinning chrome rims. They pass the catalogs around like Penthouse.
Salamanders: The superiority of Betamax tapes. Seriously, guys?
Crows: If I could get through any interaction with a crow these days without having him quote Heidegger, that would be refreshing.
White-tailed Deer: It is not necessarily impressive that you are vegan. Since when did you guys ever eat meat or dairy, for chrissakes?
Gophers: ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING HARPSICHORD.